The Changeover

It was a soothing experience post the divorce coming through after 1.5 yrs of hard work..( indeed). I couldn't assimilate the fact that the constant emotional turmoil was finally a closed chapter,the feeling takes a while to sink in as you are so much into the system till then ( legally entangled ).

The decree took almost 3 more months to arrive which was an agonising wait again.So matter of fact the actual stage of my marriage was in perpetual limbo for the quarter with with no proof of the disengagement .Soon nearing the decree arrival I decided to move on physically and mentally from the place I had inhabited in my days of struggle to settle for something better off.Looking around didnt actaully fetch good options for comfortable stay and the ones which were reasonable fell off from the budget cliff..:(. So I decided to migrate away from my family staying closeby to a place few kms away in the heart of the western suburbs. House hunting and school scouting for the kid started n equal footing and within a month could zero in on both.

Just day before the national polling day in April 2014, I moved into my new home which was much better placed than the earlier space I was camping into. Touching the highway, facing the mall, 24 hrs security, building with lift were all added benefits of the new place. It  was time I had called truce with my parents and hence got my mom along for her to check the house.She gave her go ahead and I felt all the more relieved . My Guardian angel ( foster mom) was with me on the day of shifting . Unfortunately I had won a battle and lost a war with one relationship which was nurturing with one my other guardian angel. The other party silently pulled the plug and maintained safe distance from me since the divorce date came by.I was crumbling inside but I knew I had to pull this over with all my strength since I couldn't stop living. The kid was dutifully packed to my ex spouse during the shifting exercise so I was left to fend for myself . The following 2-4 weeks were spent putting the house in order and at the same time juggling for the kid's admission procedures.

The worst wasn't over yet... I lost my job which was financially securing me all the while  and was only 8 months new thing . The dual blow of losing out on a secure relationship and the career path was the most trying period for me .The changeover was far from easy... but I relish every moment of it thinking of those moments now. One thing that has remained constant.. is my steely resolve to fight the situations and emerge successful...one small victory at a time .

The Last Thread of marriage

Finally after lot of hum drum the divorce proceedings saw its logical end and in Jan'2014 we were officially single again .The day of divorce I very distinctly remember was a mixed bag of emotions . I was visibly upset over the final turnover despite me so wanting to get out of the mess.

The sacred thread called - Marriage finally gave away after 13 years ( though It can be taken as 11 yrs since I was staying away after that during the proceedings).I reached the court with a heavy heart, something of my life was going to be snatched way for sure ..errie feeling it was . My college gang is a closed group of friends who have been with me in my journey ( one of them being lawyer, legal help was a call away).They rallied around me since morning, though not physically present due to geographical distances but morally supporting me every minute . One of them was helping me vent out my feelings, dismay over private chat and can never thank him enough for that support in the crucial time . Time  seemed to move all the more slower that day. Thankfully I had taken a day off from work, flying back from Delhi just a nite before for the court date , hence there was no rush to head back to work.

Finally our name was called and we were ushered in the Judge's chamber by the respective lawyers.The  Court Judge had changed during the past few months and we had a new face though an experienced one at that. He went through our written proceedings briefly and individually asked us if we were ready for divorce. We just nodded in affirmation and there he stamped the final order relieving us from being man and wife ...I could only manage a faint smile to his lawyer who came to congratulate me.

He went upstairs the lawyer lobby to meet his main counsel while I stayed back with my lawyer holding the order paper copies .Within minutes I was teary eyed and in  no time found myself sobbing away for the brutal end that was finally here. My Lawyer helped console me in time to face my now ex-husband .

We walked down tight lipped before we had a last lunch together that day...before parting ways to our individual homes .

The Reiteration

Court cases can be the most tricky !! The entire experience of my umpteen family court visits during the divorce thing has been intriguing in itself .

I have been through feeling of utter distress at times when he refused to turn up at the court and I have taken time off from work to attend the court.Indian judicial system functions at its own little pace . I was aghast at one time when a co-attendee was mentioning her case. She carried a small card like thing in her hand which she mentioned was the attendance record of both the parties at court and she was struggling for the divorce and maintenance for 3 years ....it was indeed the most horrible thing.Thankfully for me the first few dates were the rate determining steps for both of us since we had our individual applications for interim maintenance and visitation rights filed individually in the court. Thankfully for me the interim maintenance was granted  to me since the time I have filed the application which was 5 months back so all the accrued sum was to be paid lumpsum..what a great relief that was .The first ever small victory in the court of law was no mean feat.

Further on the next few months passed in anxiety getting him pay the dues on time and we had to even issue notice to that regard once. Men can be mean machines and all tales of so called love had eventually dried up. Both of us were silently contesting each other at the court and the matrimonial thread which bound us together had long broken its promise .It wasn't that we were at loggerheads with each other but the only interaction we ever had with each other were restricted to the so called maintenance and visit records of or child .Though it wasn't exactly a public spat, we knew what we had gotten into and either of us was in no mood to  retreat. The entire court attendance drama lasted for good 1 year with no great breakthrough which was all the more agonizing.The next 6 months that followed eventually sealed our fate... or so I can say since it lead to rational closure of the lingering case. Mentally it can be really tough to make everything appear so smooth...believe me it has lead to a tiring fight alone which had caused me so much fatigue which am yet getting over.Trying to strike a balance at home , looking after the kid, walking the tight rope at career etc seemingly do take deep toll on our health..mentally and physically. I can say this with so much conviction since I have been still reeling with the effects of the phenomena despite being 1,5 yrs into the divorce .

Better sense prevailed finally on the other party and they called in for discussion to close the case amicably after landing at reasonable settlement . Though the alimony or so called shelter repreive wasn't too great a money, the case coming to a logical conclusion and freeing me from its clutches was good enough a  reason for me to comply.It finally gave me freedom from reiterating the same story over and over again in multiple drafts so much so that it would lose its charm..

The journey begins...

The first date at court was slated end of July'12 when due summons were sent to him.He tried to create a scene and intimidate me on my birthday in July which had us scared for our safety.

Me and the kid with maid in tow moved to mom's house few blocks away till the first hearing to keep things in check .Adjusting to mom's house rules was n mean feat and the constant thought f burdening her was playing loud in my mind.Post marriage I had rarely been for long stay at mom except in my pregnancy so doing it during this stressful period added to anxiety.I was feeling homesick within just 3 days and we had a fortnight to spend there :(.

Finally the date of the hearing dawned . I had called in sick at work and so was at ease avoiding the office work for a while .I headed for court for a formidable encounter with hubby , accompanied by mother.The court atmosphere can be very depressing indeed which I had short experience of when I went  to file the case few days back. It was unbelievable to see scores of people divorcing in the city alone ...leave alone national figures .Were marriages really made in Heaven  and Broken on earth ???We discussed the nitty gritties with the lawyer who herself turned up late leading to few tense moments at the court. The other party ( read husband ) arrived shortly afterwards with elder sis-in-law in tow.Both of us were seated in opposite corners like perfect strangers... strangely enough. So much had changed over the last few days that even people known for years had grown apart within few months , sad but true.

The first hearing is usually the counselling session , rather the consequent one too.After some wait for our turn we were summoned by the counsellor to her chamber, first single and then together.We left no opportunity to vent out our anger, frustration at each other in front of the sombre lady.The session together was no less then fireworks.We had agreed to disagree on every single point.We were sent off to see the counsellor again on next date which was supposed to have some cool down effect on us .

Outside sis-in -law and me exchanged glances and faint smile when I handed over few of his things back to her ( included the letters he wrote to me from the hostel during our courstship, all was non existent for me now ).We quietly left the court with the next date of hearing taken up by our respective lawyers .

The journey towards eternity was just beginning .....more encounters to follow.

Trial by Fire

Hii

Was relieved to return to work after trying to set up the house for good 3 days, gladly the knicknacks were in place.

After the house set up, it was time to take charge of the impending seperation -- Divorce indeed. Quick visit to the lawyer followed by mutual consent drafts being made ready to be sent to him.Distance was duly maintained from him , including the kid was away from his phone calls . Inlaws- outlaws were certainly in a fix on what next ?The first mail was sent to him soon with the draft enclosed , the contents were harsh enough for him to back track.In the interim hubby tried luring me back with a over the top emotional mail stating how we both meant the world to him etc etc . Obviously it failed to move me from my decisive state of mind..that's probably my biggest strength..my mental resolve is too hard to break through by anybody. Once decided..there is no looking back.

Giving up hope of any reconciliation now , Hubby replied back denying the alimony amount and no custody of child as debatable points . I urged him to come back to me with revised draft which he deemed fit to take things further. This unfortunately fell on deaf ears .He remained incommunicado thereafter for over a month. No calls, texts or BBM pings worked ( yes we indeed transacted via BBM back then to avoid any verbal confrontation).Things at home were getting no better, I was walking a tight rope walk putting things together from scratch , balancing  career goals and personal glitches. Parents were still in mute mode . Maternal uncle and aunt got in touch and vouched their whole hearted support to me which made matters little better to handle . Trust me , moral support from any unknown quarters is always more than welcome at such trying times , so don't ever hesitate to take it as it comes.

Thankfully enough my guardian angels kept me close company and their support was worth lacs for me in those times of building up a home of my own.Deliberate delays of answering back from hubby was getting on my nerves and we then decided to take the bull by its horns. Met up lawyer again and filed for divorce petition. Thankfully by then kid's result was out and I took it upon me to break the ice with my folks over a small call.  With maternal aunt intervening for peace , things started limping back to normalcy between us . However, till date I have never been able to forgive them for leaving me alone in my dire need...forgiving doesn't quite come easily to me indeed.

Draft of the petition was  read aloud  with my folks and with due suggestions , we decided to file it in court of law soon. With this meant summons being issued to hubby for his presence in court. The trial by fire was just only about to begin...Without wasting any more time, I filed the petition in the court by myself ( yes I went there alone ,fiercely independent that I am, declined any help from my folks to accompany me ).

Silently I knew that the journey ahead was certainly not a cakewalk...but I lived up to my conviction and let truth chose its path.The next 1.5 yrs encapsulates what I underwent at each date in the court ,the anxiety, the anger, the bitter truth, with finally being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Love 

Neha 

A new Dawn...

Hi

Finally the day closed in with all my belongings shifted to the new house ..My Guardian angels kept me company till late evenings as I was unpacking one box after another.

Exhausted by the day long hard work , physical and verbal war of words , sleep engulfed me soon in a silent zone of my very own...my baby steps towards the new beginning had been taken. Relieved much, I indeed slept peacefully that night after long.

A New dawn welcomed me in its fold with new roles, responsibilities and I was ready to face the world now with renewed vigour..as I took small sips of my first tea at my new haven.I took 2 days off from work citing family function so as to set up the new house in order before my baby arrived that evening .Between tiny morsels of food and water managed alone, I got unpacking the boxes and putting the house in order, first things first.Ordering the bed , TV, mattress to sleep on were some bare essentials which set the order of the day .Having worked in good kitchen space, a tiny space called kitchen was hard to work on..(moreover getting to fit all my stuff in was indeed tricky) .Thankfully the small loft came to my rescue which was duly used up to dump in all the extras / non urgent stuff aside .

As evening drew by, I was becoming impatient to see my child who was kept in that house for a day till I managed the basics in place. 1 brownie point for him to have agreed to keep the kid for another day however disgruntled he may be with me for my exit.My car still lay parked in the old house , since I had barely learnt driving and couldnt have managed the short distance as well ..hehe. I jumped on my best buddy--my twowheeler and raised the accelerator to take me fast to my destination.

Little more  bags  with toys and her essentials we left the house . The maid was entrusted with the task of looking after the luggage on the road below till I made a quick trip to drop my kid on the bike . My second trip with the maid in tow left me tired enough for the day, not to mention 3 times ascent into my fourth floor abode which didnt have a lift.Finally the house became a home with the advent of its new family members ( the maid was also part of family by now ).

Hubby casually called on the landline to check on us , which was a bit of surprise for me ( was it becoz he was left alone to fend for himself or was it genuine concern ? )Whatever it may be , I was feeling happy over my new found freedom which obviously came with its share of new challenges but, I knew I was ready for anything now ( mental strength is mightier than physical might...maybe YES)

Setting up a  new home on my home gave me a new high nevertheless despite having umpteen reasons to worry about... My time had indeed begun now ...Girls....remember the old adage .. SELF help is the BEST help.

More bytes soon

Tc

Neha 

new phase on the anvil

Hii,

As the soil turns mushy after lashing rains , but dries soon after after the rainy spell...my mind became calmer and more resilient after the final call I made to shift out.All anxieties , worries , laid to rest..

Whilst I had already announced my departure date , I could see that my partner was taking it with a pinch of salt, thought I would any ways back off.The discussion ensued to sort the stuff I was to pack along , with no emotions involved I was told to pack up whatever was bought with my own money and leave the rest including some utensils for his daily use .I wasn't bit surprised by his statement , since the calculation slip was yet quite fresh in my mind and getting to know how economist my husband he was I relented .Though this meant that more than half the stuff would have to be bought new which included the bare essentials like bed, kitchen cupboard, TV , TV unit, Geyser etc , I knew I had  to bear the brunt of the decisive move I had made much to the cold reactions drawn back home.Thankfully had the landline and the gas connection in my name which saved the day .

Finally the D day arrived bringing with it mixed emotions of leaving the home and relationship behind, but all the same a steely resolve and satisfaction of standing  up for myself.Transporter booked , bags packed , I left to draw some cash from the ATM for the sundry expenses which were to crop up for the day.My cell suddenly rung and had my elder sis-in -law announcing that she was coming over. I was forseeing a drama unfold soon at home , the least I wanted to face before I left quietly.Reaching home, confronted my husband over it and he acted naive over the incident which had me all the more puzzled . If he hadn't called her over, then how did she know about my whereabouts since it was months I did not speak to my other folks over this and was left to him to handle it .The impending chaos had me fuming all over the place , the least I wanted to handle while managing the mental cacophony.As I was trying to prepare myself for the worst, the doorbell rang and in came my sis-in law. After the ususal pleasantries we got back to business. Her entry was sure to stall my plans as the goods vehicle would be soon at the door,all this was making me more n more impatient by the minute .Poor thing was trying her luck to dissuade me from walking out and coaxed me into rethink the ouster.I was obviously in no mood to listen to anyone , that what I usually do when I have made up my mind against something.Its hard to pin me down, and get me change my thought track and rewind the sequence.

All the altercations were on, when another blow to my plans came up,my MOM entered the scene trying to play another saviour.I was shocked to find her here since I was assuming all the while my folks had no issues me moving out and stood in support of my decision.Her entry quashed all the little hopes I had ...and I decided to wage a lonely war against all the suppressants who were keen to make a vamp out of me in the bargain.All their plans from taking holiday together with hubby, taking things easy, doing a rethink of situation fell on deaf ears ( that were mine ).After a full scale dramatic turn to the events intercepted by frantic calls by the transporter and my 2 guardian angels I could finally put an end to the discussion by putting my final foot down and made it clear that I wouldn't budge now, come what may.

This obviously led to lot of bad blood between me and my mom since her side changing had shocked me to the core and I was rendered helpless and lonely among the three who formed a group.She left in a huff announcing that she will snap ties with me over this , I felt as if all the world was conniving against me including my folks. Was I doing the right thing ? I pondered for a while , but I knew deep inside me that the feeling was ephemeral and would eventually die down. I rushed to pick up the pieces of my broken life and with moral support of my angels I finally could move into my new home by late noon, truly famished by then. 

Just to avoid the inconvenience to my darling daughter. I had her stay back with the maid for the day till I made the house bit habitable .I have felt the strongest on that day, despite being the lone warrior among the house fighting for my peace.Not giving up to the demands of the threesome is the best gift ever I have given to self ...BE STRONG...Life isnt over yet....

The struggle now enters PHASE-2.....

Love 

Tc
Neha 

Happy Realization ....

Hii

My sudden acceptance of the divorce caught my husband on wrong foot.. he was flabbergasted by my response .Guess the D word and calculations were part of his strategy to bring my unruly self to place ...haha.Hard Luck Mr....

Despite spending so many years together under one roof you couldn't read my mind..Mere IRONY. I was very very hurt inside which made me give it all away after much thought.For me my self worth and self respect counted thousand times more than the worthless relationship I was made to suffer into. Women are most oftenly taken for  granted by their spouses and easily swept away like some piece of dirt. I could see the woman power in me rising clearly and was very proud of this ...for me it was over the minute I was handed my worth on a piece of paper...the last straw was already drawn.

The other party suddenly developed cold feet and spontaneous visits to astrologers followed citing family unacceptance of the situation ( funnily though which had risen due to someone's own ill will wasn't even counted ) . Thankfully though all the so called ASTROPUNDITS confirmed the impending separation , which made my side stronger. I informed my folks my decision much to their shocked responses and trying to calm me down for compromise efforts. His folks were to be informed by him, as per the minimum convos we would have on this subject. March dawned and I was clear that I will not be sharing the roof with this man whom I could no longer call my own, He had himself relinquished the right to do so .So the house hunting began every weekend armed by my 2 strong supports( unfortunately they weren't my parents) with whose help I could muster enough courage to walk out of this doomed marriage.Thank God that I was an independent working woman and could take this brave decision..I shudder at the thought of becoming a doormat and destined to my fate if at all  I was financially dependent on my spouse.

The exam fever caught up at home with my kid's final exam rolling off...Infact trying to keep the house enviroment sane was the biggest exam for me , since there was lot of relationship confusion in her mind in relation to us as she could see minimalistic communication happening between us . Am so sorry dear daughter to put you through this.. but as the adage goes ;both the wet and dry are caught in forest fires ..they spare none .My spouse played the emotional card to the best since he was caught carrying by my kid on the eve of her last paper. She was inconsolable , with me being away at work, my mom rushed to her rescue trying to balance the little ones's emotions .I was helpless but determined to take my kid away from this unharmonious surrounding she was being forced to live in.I sat and explained to her in her own little way why mom and dad can't stay together, guess she understood my predicament and firmly stood by me by wanting to stay put with me come what may.Thanks so much for the understanding my baby..you multiplied my strength.

The countdown to the new house had begun, the feeling of me going away was clearly not sinking in him as yet, guess what was he waiting for . GUYs pleaes take us seriously..we aint always gonna be bending under pressure.we infact become more ductile:)

Waiting for the next move with bated breath...

Tc

LOVE
Neha 

Ecodynamics !!!

Hii

The  unsual void in my marriage of 11 yrs suddenly became a deep valley and I was left finding answers to questions unknown.Coming to think of it ....DIVORCE was the last thing on my mind then.

Soon thereafter came the festival of lights --- Diwali! My excitement for the festive season had died a natural death in the backdrop of circumstances I was braving through.Putting on  a happy  facade I was going through the preparations for the sake of my kid and extended family.During one of the days some small issue cropped up and this man got violent  !! I  was held tight by the arm and driven by the neck through the wall for not collecting his alteration clothes in time ( seems trivial issue but was blown out of proportion back then ). All this happened in front of my stupified daughter and equally astonished  24x 7 house help at home . I feel dejected , but pulled on for the sake of the family festival fervour.. nights spent crying over my misfortune.Somehow managed to put up a gr8 show in front of in laws---too.

November dawned and I felt hopeful since our anniversary was drawing close. My hopes were thrashed when I received not even a wish on the special day for the person whom I loved much. All through journey to work could only muster a hushed thank you for wishes pouring in from family and friends, intercepted by voice choked by tears.I tried to med frneces by suggesting we do the ceremonial dinner as every year but was met with muted responses from the other end. I was drawing close to frustration as every effort of mine met with no plausible success ever. The issue had come to a dead end .

New year dawned and with it lit some hope of making things better ( we celebrated new year eve seperately with our own  bunch of friends ,with an intent that things may get better with time ).Mid month out of nothing we had a straight conversation after long. He felt we were drawing apart, which agreed we were...and suggested the " D " word . I was shattered with the ease with which he had said it since were becoming more and more incompatible with each other .We promised to meet up at his office over the weekend to discuss modalities ...love had died down long and only thing left were the price points -- the ecodynamics of love .

In the interim had confided in a friend about the happenings and was feeling better equipped to handle the situation nevertheless, my mental preparation was done for sure .Sunday evening after my things at home I proceeded to meet him at pre-decided time.I didnt know what was in store for me and what was...shook me up totally.

This man handed over an excel sheet to me which totalled upto few lacs he said he owed me to walk out of the relationship.With the inflation and my monies that were used in the house were totalled up and added with annual interest cost ?????????? The numbers left me aghast and I barely managed to hold my calm. What about the kid, I thundered mustering all courage I could.He coolly replied either of us can keep the kid ... as if she was a object to be traded. The moment  I felt like hundred daggers crossing my heart.How can a father be so ruthless about his only child ?I walked out in a huff promising a fitting reply to the piece of paper called LOVE.It had been auctioned for few lacs of rupees. I really wanted to ask what about my emotional investment in the relationship of years, how would he pay me back for that ? I felt like an emotional fool trying to salvage what had already been undone.

Once home ,my resolve to walk out of this impending and loveless marriage only became stronger and within a week I announced my decision to part ways legally...The piece of paper did break the ice..

Our folks needed to know the bitter truth now ... Its time they did ....What provoked me for this sudden change of heart ???? wait to know more in my next post.

Tc

Luv

Neha 

Mrs...to Miss

Hi,

As the clouds cast their dark shadow of rain , nostalgia sets in and am taken back 4 yrs ago when the similar dark shadow engulfed my life .

It was a love marriage for me and so things had to be hunky dory (pun intended). something , however didn't seem right the moment we moved into the rental apartment as I could see very less of my spouse each passing day.Nights would get longer with his wait from work, sometimes making me doze off to sleep.Mornings were very busy for me since being a working woman I needed to rush for work , so right from waking the kid and him up to making breakfast and lunch arrangements consumed much of my time .Though  I had  household help who stayed back to look after my child , she being old barely helped finished tasks on time .It was more a moral support back home since hubby used to drop by for lunch which would make me bit relived about child care .

Soon mornings passed by with bare minimum conversation between us which made me uncomfortable over the days. The communication gap only got wider and refused to bridge distances it has created between us over the years, our sleep abodes changed-- He is hall, me in bedroom.It was close to Independence day that we shifted into this rental apartment after selling off our home more so with an intention to buy a bigger house.Months passed with minimal hmms and ha's between us , though I tried to bring it together by arranging dinners, drives or movies . 

However little did I know that what lay in store of me one fateful morning in October. I was getting ready for work when I hurriedly kept his bed tea and ventured close to shake him up from his slumber. Stumbled on his cell phone lazily kept by his side with its screen open.While putting it aside I noticed some cosy conversations done with a lady unknown to me, this got me curious and leaving the tea aside read through the entire thing shakily holding the phone .It was like a world crashing on me all of sudden, tears welled up my eyes and I left home with a heavy heart that day for work.All through the train journey the call records and conversation played centre stage and made me vulnerable for silent sobs amidst the crowd.

The entire day passed by slower than usual and I became oblivious to surroundings trying to solve my mental maze...which became all the more complex by evening.Friends at lunch guessed something amiss but I brushed aside their doubts by murmuring being bit unwell trying to gulp tiny food morsels into my mouth.

Late nite entries by husband soon became regular feature . Am sure you may be wondering why didn't I confront him at the very beginning, that's just because I myself wanted to be sure of my accustations which prevented me . So thereon began my mysterious journey of tracing all the clues , the lies being told and the proofs I could gather thanks to technology or his carelessness to come to valid conclusion...I was being cheated in my marriage. Unbelievable , but true were the conditions which made me feel like a pauper in the hands of fate ,since I so very loved my spouse and getting hitched to him was my decision duly supported my my folks .

For once I felt left out all alone to wage a lonely battle , and with all my might I did fight it to the "T" to reclaim my self respect back again.

Here ...the journey from Mrs..... to Miss stared taking shape which took good 2.5 yrs before it could culminate into a rightful end.

More on this ...in my next write up....

Take care 

Love

Neha