new phase on the anvil

Hii,

As the soil turns mushy after lashing rains , but dries soon after after the rainy spell...my mind became calmer and more resilient after the final call I made to shift out.All anxieties , worries , laid to rest..

Whilst I had already announced my departure date , I could see that my partner was taking it with a pinch of salt, thought I would any ways back off.The discussion ensued to sort the stuff I was to pack along , with no emotions involved I was told to pack up whatever was bought with my own money and leave the rest including some utensils for his daily use .I wasn't bit surprised by his statement , since the calculation slip was yet quite fresh in my mind and getting to know how economist my husband he was I relented .Though this meant that more than half the stuff would have to be bought new which included the bare essentials like bed, kitchen cupboard, TV , TV unit, Geyser etc , I knew I had  to bear the brunt of the decisive move I had made much to the cold reactions drawn back home.Thankfully had the landline and the gas connection in my name which saved the day .

Finally the D day arrived bringing with it mixed emotions of leaving the home and relationship behind, but all the same a steely resolve and satisfaction of standing  up for myself.Transporter booked , bags packed , I left to draw some cash from the ATM for the sundry expenses which were to crop up for the day.My cell suddenly rung and had my elder sis-in -law announcing that she was coming over. I was forseeing a drama unfold soon at home , the least I wanted to face before I left quietly.Reaching home, confronted my husband over it and he acted naive over the incident which had me all the more puzzled . If he hadn't called her over, then how did she know about my whereabouts since it was months I did not speak to my other folks over this and was left to him to handle it .The impending chaos had me fuming all over the place , the least I wanted to handle while managing the mental cacophony.As I was trying to prepare myself for the worst, the doorbell rang and in came my sis-in law. After the ususal pleasantries we got back to business. Her entry was sure to stall my plans as the goods vehicle would be soon at the door,all this was making me more n more impatient by the minute .Poor thing was trying her luck to dissuade me from walking out and coaxed me into rethink the ouster.I was obviously in no mood to listen to anyone , that what I usually do when I have made up my mind against something.Its hard to pin me down, and get me change my thought track and rewind the sequence.

All the altercations were on, when another blow to my plans came up,my MOM entered the scene trying to play another saviour.I was shocked to find her here since I was assuming all the while my folks had no issues me moving out and stood in support of my decision.Her entry quashed all the little hopes I had ...and I decided to wage a lonely war against all the suppressants who were keen to make a vamp out of me in the bargain.All their plans from taking holiday together with hubby, taking things easy, doing a rethink of situation fell on deaf ears ( that were mine ).After a full scale dramatic turn to the events intercepted by frantic calls by the transporter and my 2 guardian angels I could finally put an end to the discussion by putting my final foot down and made it clear that I wouldn't budge now, come what may.

This obviously led to lot of bad blood between me and my mom since her side changing had shocked me to the core and I was rendered helpless and lonely among the three who formed a group.She left in a huff announcing that she will snap ties with me over this , I felt as if all the world was conniving against me including my folks. Was I doing the right thing ? I pondered for a while , but I knew deep inside me that the feeling was ephemeral and would eventually die down. I rushed to pick up the pieces of my broken life and with moral support of my angels I finally could move into my new home by late noon, truly famished by then. 

Just to avoid the inconvenience to my darling daughter. I had her stay back with the maid for the day till I made the house bit habitable .I have felt the strongest on that day, despite being the lone warrior among the house fighting for my peace.Not giving up to the demands of the threesome is the best gift ever I have given to self ...BE STRONG...Life isnt over yet....

The struggle now enters PHASE-2.....

Love 

Tc
Neha 

Happy Realization ....

Hii

My sudden acceptance of the divorce caught my husband on wrong foot.. he was flabbergasted by my response .Guess the D word and calculations were part of his strategy to bring my unruly self to place ...haha.Hard Luck Mr....

Despite spending so many years together under one roof you couldn't read my mind..Mere IRONY. I was very very hurt inside which made me give it all away after much thought.For me my self worth and self respect counted thousand times more than the worthless relationship I was made to suffer into. Women are most oftenly taken for  granted by their spouses and easily swept away like some piece of dirt. I could see the woman power in me rising clearly and was very proud of this ...for me it was over the minute I was handed my worth on a piece of paper...the last straw was already drawn.

The other party suddenly developed cold feet and spontaneous visits to astrologers followed citing family unacceptance of the situation ( funnily though which had risen due to someone's own ill will wasn't even counted ) . Thankfully though all the so called ASTROPUNDITS confirmed the impending separation , which made my side stronger. I informed my folks my decision much to their shocked responses and trying to calm me down for compromise efforts. His folks were to be informed by him, as per the minimum convos we would have on this subject. March dawned and I was clear that I will not be sharing the roof with this man whom I could no longer call my own, He had himself relinquished the right to do so .So the house hunting began every weekend armed by my 2 strong supports( unfortunately they weren't my parents) with whose help I could muster enough courage to walk out of this doomed marriage.Thank God that I was an independent working woman and could take this brave decision..I shudder at the thought of becoming a doormat and destined to my fate if at all  I was financially dependent on my spouse.

The exam fever caught up at home with my kid's final exam rolling off...Infact trying to keep the house enviroment sane was the biggest exam for me , since there was lot of relationship confusion in her mind in relation to us as she could see minimalistic communication happening between us . Am so sorry dear daughter to put you through this.. but as the adage goes ;both the wet and dry are caught in forest fires ..they spare none .My spouse played the emotional card to the best since he was caught carrying by my kid on the eve of her last paper. She was inconsolable , with me being away at work, my mom rushed to her rescue trying to balance the little ones's emotions .I was helpless but determined to take my kid away from this unharmonious surrounding she was being forced to live in.I sat and explained to her in her own little way why mom and dad can't stay together, guess she understood my predicament and firmly stood by me by wanting to stay put with me come what may.Thanks so much for the understanding my baby..you multiplied my strength.

The countdown to the new house had begun, the feeling of me going away was clearly not sinking in him as yet, guess what was he waiting for . GUYs pleaes take us seriously..we aint always gonna be bending under pressure.we infact become more ductile:)

Waiting for the next move with bated breath...

Tc

LOVE
Neha 

Ecodynamics !!!

Hii

The  unsual void in my marriage of 11 yrs suddenly became a deep valley and I was left finding answers to questions unknown.Coming to think of it ....DIVORCE was the last thing on my mind then.

Soon thereafter came the festival of lights --- Diwali! My excitement for the festive season had died a natural death in the backdrop of circumstances I was braving through.Putting on  a happy  facade I was going through the preparations for the sake of my kid and extended family.During one of the days some small issue cropped up and this man got violent  !! I  was held tight by the arm and driven by the neck through the wall for not collecting his alteration clothes in time ( seems trivial issue but was blown out of proportion back then ). All this happened in front of my stupified daughter and equally astonished  24x 7 house help at home . I feel dejected , but pulled on for the sake of the family festival fervour.. nights spent crying over my misfortune.Somehow managed to put up a gr8 show in front of in laws---too.

November dawned and I felt hopeful since our anniversary was drawing close. My hopes were thrashed when I received not even a wish on the special day for the person whom I loved much. All through journey to work could only muster a hushed thank you for wishes pouring in from family and friends, intercepted by voice choked by tears.I tried to med frneces by suggesting we do the ceremonial dinner as every year but was met with muted responses from the other end. I was drawing close to frustration as every effort of mine met with no plausible success ever. The issue had come to a dead end .

New year dawned and with it lit some hope of making things better ( we celebrated new year eve seperately with our own  bunch of friends ,with an intent that things may get better with time ).Mid month out of nothing we had a straight conversation after long. He felt we were drawing apart, which agreed we were...and suggested the " D " word . I was shattered with the ease with which he had said it since were becoming more and more incompatible with each other .We promised to meet up at his office over the weekend to discuss modalities ...love had died down long and only thing left were the price points -- the ecodynamics of love .

In the interim had confided in a friend about the happenings and was feeling better equipped to handle the situation nevertheless, my mental preparation was done for sure .Sunday evening after my things at home I proceeded to meet him at pre-decided time.I didnt know what was in store for me and what was...shook me up totally.

This man handed over an excel sheet to me which totalled upto few lacs he said he owed me to walk out of the relationship.With the inflation and my monies that were used in the house were totalled up and added with annual interest cost ?????????? The numbers left me aghast and I barely managed to hold my calm. What about the kid, I thundered mustering all courage I could.He coolly replied either of us can keep the kid ... as if she was a object to be traded. The moment  I felt like hundred daggers crossing my heart.How can a father be so ruthless about his only child ?I walked out in a huff promising a fitting reply to the piece of paper called LOVE.It had been auctioned for few lacs of rupees. I really wanted to ask what about my emotional investment in the relationship of years, how would he pay me back for that ? I felt like an emotional fool trying to salvage what had already been undone.

Once home ,my resolve to walk out of this impending and loveless marriage only became stronger and within a week I announced my decision to part ways legally...The piece of paper did break the ice..

Our folks needed to know the bitter truth now ... Its time they did ....What provoked me for this sudden change of heart ???? wait to know more in my next post.

Tc

Luv

Neha 

Mrs...to Miss

Hi,

As the clouds cast their dark shadow of rain , nostalgia sets in and am taken back 4 yrs ago when the similar dark shadow engulfed my life .

It was a love marriage for me and so things had to be hunky dory (pun intended). something , however didn't seem right the moment we moved into the rental apartment as I could see very less of my spouse each passing day.Nights would get longer with his wait from work, sometimes making me doze off to sleep.Mornings were very busy for me since being a working woman I needed to rush for work , so right from waking the kid and him up to making breakfast and lunch arrangements consumed much of my time .Though  I had  household help who stayed back to look after my child , she being old barely helped finished tasks on time .It was more a moral support back home since hubby used to drop by for lunch which would make me bit relived about child care .

Soon mornings passed by with bare minimum conversation between us which made me uncomfortable over the days. The communication gap only got wider and refused to bridge distances it has created between us over the years, our sleep abodes changed-- He is hall, me in bedroom.It was close to Independence day that we shifted into this rental apartment after selling off our home more so with an intention to buy a bigger house.Months passed with minimal hmms and ha's between us , though I tried to bring it together by arranging dinners, drives or movies . 

However little did I know that what lay in store of me one fateful morning in October. I was getting ready for work when I hurriedly kept his bed tea and ventured close to shake him up from his slumber. Stumbled on his cell phone lazily kept by his side with its screen open.While putting it aside I noticed some cosy conversations done with a lady unknown to me, this got me curious and leaving the tea aside read through the entire thing shakily holding the phone .It was like a world crashing on me all of sudden, tears welled up my eyes and I left home with a heavy heart that day for work.All through the train journey the call records and conversation played centre stage and made me vulnerable for silent sobs amidst the crowd.

The entire day passed by slower than usual and I became oblivious to surroundings trying to solve my mental maze...which became all the more complex by evening.Friends at lunch guessed something amiss but I brushed aside their doubts by murmuring being bit unwell trying to gulp tiny food morsels into my mouth.

Late nite entries by husband soon became regular feature . Am sure you may be wondering why didn't I confront him at the very beginning, that's just because I myself wanted to be sure of my accustations which prevented me . So thereon began my mysterious journey of tracing all the clues , the lies being told and the proofs I could gather thanks to technology or his carelessness to come to valid conclusion...I was being cheated in my marriage. Unbelievable , but true were the conditions which made me feel like a pauper in the hands of fate ,since I so very loved my spouse and getting hitched to him was my decision duly supported my my folks .

For once I felt left out all alone to wage a lonely battle , and with all my might I did fight it to the "T" to reclaim my self respect back again.

Here ...the journey from Mrs..... to Miss stared taking shape which took good 2.5 yrs before it could culminate into a rightful end.

More on this ...in my next write up....

Take care 

Love

Neha